I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Your dad touched me again.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
