very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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