I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
