The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
