Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
