You really coming over, don't trick.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
