I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
