My sheets look like a crime scene.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
