I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
