I will die if light touches me.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
