i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
