I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
