im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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