ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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