I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
