I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
