oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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