you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize