does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
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