i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize