college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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