I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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