Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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