so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I FOUND THE LEGS
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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