We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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