Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Randomize
