just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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