I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
How does it feel to date your dad?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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