i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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