So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
