My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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