I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
