She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
