Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
People in love make me want to vomit
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
