ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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