Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize