I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
