my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Is Oprah even human
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
