they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
