drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
