We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
