This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
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