arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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