i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
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