Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
