Capitaan dildo arrescate!
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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