Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
