I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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