i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Randomize
