He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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