I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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