I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
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