Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize