Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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