You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
