yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
