I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
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