At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
