im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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