ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
