the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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