The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
BRING THE BAGELS
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize