ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
