I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
