The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
