The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
