why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
My first STD was from a foam party
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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