I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
