there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
