Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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