overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
