I wish you could order shots online.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Dick very happy bro
Randomize
