Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
