Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
