hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize