When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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