OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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