We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
