HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
