I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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