i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
