and she was petting her beer can
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Randomize
